Notes from the RKA Preseason Press Conference:

PHILADELPHIA -- The normally thought-provoking and eloquent Rusty Kuntz nearly lost his cool at today's preseason press conference. He announced the lineups and rotations for the team Traveling All-Stars team that he has managed for the past three seasons. In an attempt to shake things up, he has taken a new position as the general manager this season, handing the reins over to former Chicago Cub ace Chet "Rocket" Steadman. 

When Kuntz opened the presser up for questions, he was forced to correct media members multiple times (amidst snickering from those in attendance) after they incorrectly pronounced his name. Unfamiliar with the mean-spirited Philadelphian way of life, a red-faced Kuntz was befuddled. Lashing out, he said the team will continue to bare his name until the day it is pronounced correctly and he is "not mistaken for multiple oxidized vaginas." 

The general manager talked around questions about the team's defensive liabilities with Willie Stargell and Roger Maris in the outfield, saying he was just glad they had less room to cover in the minuscule Baker Bowl. When critiqued about the lack of tablesetters on the team he assembled, a visibly flustered Kuntz nervously mentioned the team's prolific home run capabilities. He then quickly introduced Steadman and ducked away at a spirited pace.

A surprised Steadman, who wasn't due to take the podium for another 15 minutes, was finishing up a meal as he was summoned.

"This is the best salisbury steak I've ever had," Steadman boasted. He joked that, as was his tradition while playing, the entire pitching staff would be eating salisbury steak on all flights. 

Steadman then became very serious. He gave a speech about the "Have To" of the game, thoroughly confusing the media and apparently himself. Upon taking questions, Steadman mentioned he would be working with the younger pitchers and was excited to be working with the 25-year old Walter Johnson. 

Triggered by a reporter calling him "Rocket," Steadman was vehement he was no longer the "Rocket" and he began retreating to his typical succession of incoherent grunts and "Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god." chants.

Lineup

SS - Hanley Ramirez

DH - Reggie Jackson

CF - Joe DiMaggio

LF - Willie Stargell

RF - Roger Maris

.C - Chris Hoiles

1B - Carlos Pena

3B - Ken Caminiti

2B - Bobby Grich

Rotation

SP 1 - Walter Johnson

SP 2 - Tex Hughson

SP 3 - Juan Padron

SP 4 - Cy Young

SP 5 - Ron Guidry

CL - Joe Nathan

SU R - JJ Putz

SU L - Derek Lilliquist

Thanks Shotgun for submitting the write-up!