The following is a partial transcript of the Jimmy Dugan press conference, where he was purportedly to announce the Niagara Frontier Blackbirds starting lineups and rotation.
Dugan (entering room): All right, everyone, let's listen up now, listen up.... Something important has just happened. I was in the toilet reading my contract, and it turns out, I get a bonus when we get to the World Series. So, we're gonna play hard, play smart, and use our heads.
Reporter: Jimmy! You've widely acknowledged your love of spirits, will that impact your decisions on the field?
Dugan: It was made very clear to me what I'm supposed to do here. I smile, wave my little hat... I'll do that, so when do I get paid?
Reporter: What do yo think of some of your ballplayers... Lady Baldwin, Robin Ventura, and Judy Johnson
Dugan: Ballplayers. I don't have ballplayers, I've got girls. Girls are what you sleep with after the game, not, not what you coach during the game.
Reporter: Jimmy, you're obviously drunk right now.
Dugan: Did anyone ever tell you, you look like a penis with a little hat on?
Owner Greg M (walking out with Dugan): Uh, great interview Jimmy, I especially liked that move towards the end when you scratched your balls for an hour.
Dugan: Well, anything worth doing is worth doing right
Little Boy: [Exiting the press room, Jimmy has just signed a baseball for a little boy, who reads] Avoid the clap, Jimmy Dugan.
Jimmy Dugan: Hey, that's good advice!
The Blackbirds later published their starting 9 and 5-man rotation:
1B – Tommy Tucker
RF – Willie Keeler
2B – Nap Lajoie
DH – Mel Ott
.C – Josh Gibson
CF – Duke Snider
LF – Joe Medwick
3B – Robin Ventura
SS – Nomar Garciaparra
Rotation
SP1 – Mort Cooper
SP2 – Eddie Cicotte
SP3 – Nels Potter
SP4 – Lady Baldwin
SP5 – Ben Sanders
CL – Tim Burke
SU L – Jim Poole
SU R – Joe Neale
Sorry for the minor cop out, I used most of this last year for another team. I thought it worked well though, and Greg has never seen it, so went for it.
Dugan (entering room): All right, everyone, let's listen up now, listen up.... Something important has just happened. I was in the toilet reading my contract, and it turns out, I get a bonus when we get to the World Series. So, we're gonna play hard, play smart, and use our heads.
Reporter: Jimmy! You've widely acknowledged your love of spirits, will that impact your decisions on the field?
Dugan: It was made very clear to me what I'm supposed to do here. I smile, wave my little hat... I'll do that, so when do I get paid?
Reporter: What do yo think of some of your ballplayers... Lady Baldwin, Robin Ventura, and Judy Johnson
Dugan: Ballplayers. I don't have ballplayers, I've got girls. Girls are what you sleep with after the game, not, not what you coach during the game.
Reporter: Jimmy, you're obviously drunk right now.
Dugan: Did anyone ever tell you, you look like a penis with a little hat on?
Owner Greg M (walking out with Dugan): Uh, great interview Jimmy, I especially liked that move towards the end when you scratched your balls for an hour.
Dugan: Well, anything worth doing is worth doing right
Little Boy: [Exiting the press room, Jimmy has just signed a baseball for a little boy, who reads] Avoid the clap, Jimmy Dugan.
Jimmy Dugan: Hey, that's good advice!
The Blackbirds later published their starting 9 and 5-man rotation:
1B – Tommy Tucker
RF – Willie Keeler
2B – Nap Lajoie
DH – Mel Ott
.C – Josh Gibson
CF – Duke Snider
LF – Joe Medwick
3B – Robin Ventura
SS – Nomar Garciaparra
Rotation
SP1 – Mort Cooper
SP2 – Eddie Cicotte
SP3 – Nels Potter
SP4 – Lady Baldwin
SP5 – Ben Sanders
CL – Tim Burke
SU L – Jim Poole
SU R – Joe Neale
Sorry for the minor cop out, I used most of this last year for another team. I thought it worked well though, and Greg has never seen it, so went for it.
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