February 18, 2012
The following is a partial transcript of the Jimmy Dugan press conference, where he was purportedly to announce the Bertrand Island Carnies starting lineups and rotation.
Dugan (entering room): All right, everyone, let's listen up now, listen up.... Something important has just happened. I was in the toilet reading my contract, and it turns out, I get a bonus when we get to the World Series. So, we're gonna play hard, play smart, and use our heads.
Reporter: Jimmy! You've widely acknowledged your love of spirits, will that impact your decisions on the field?
Dugan: It was made very clear to me what I'm supposed to do here. I smile, wave my little hat... I'll do that, so when do I get paid?
Reporter: What do yo think of some of your new ballplayers... Jerry Ruess, Arnie Stone, and Dale Alexander.
Dugan: Ballplayers. I don't have ballplayers, I've got... Carnies. Carnies are what you sleep with after the game, not, not what you coach during the game.
Reporter: Jimmy, you're obviously drunk right now.
Dugan: Did anyone ever tell you, you look like a penis with a little hat on?
Owner Lou P (walking out with Dugan): Uh, great interview Jimmy, I especially liked that move towards the end when you scratched your balls for an hour.
Dugan: Well, anything worth doing is worth doing right
Little Boy: [Exiting the press room, Jimmy has just signed a baseball for a little boy, who reads] Avoid the clap, Jimmy Dugan.
Jimmy Dugan: Hey, that's good advice!
The Carnies later published their starting 9 and 5-man rotation:
1: Shaffer rf
2: Carroll c
3: Cobb cf
4: Swartwood dh
5: Baker 3b
6: Mize 1b
7: Zobrist 2b
8: Gore lf
9: Smith ss
1 - Pete Alexander
2 - Jason Schmidt
3 - Curt Schilling
4 - Danny Haren
4 - Jerry Reuss
No comments:
Post a Comment